you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
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