Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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