apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
