I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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