ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
