yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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