then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
