to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
