I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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