Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
