I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize