why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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