No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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