Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
