apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
