so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
