i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she peed on how many people?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
