4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
