Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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