When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
