guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize