All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
