Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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