I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
