I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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