I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
