i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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