Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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