My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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