i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
