turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
