No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
