Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
