well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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