Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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