Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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