Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
