The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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