I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
