it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
