Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
