I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I want a musical about memes.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
