we have pet lesbian snakes
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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