My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
