I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
