I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize