Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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