I think my fart just growled at me.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize