We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
