My nipple is on Facebook.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
