Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
