dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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