He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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