you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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