Umm I'm too high to move.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
