look no pants
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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