I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize