You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
