you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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