is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
