I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
