oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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