Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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