I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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