What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
