Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize