When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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