I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
