Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
