it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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