I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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