So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
