gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
